The Calling of The Heart
by Mavynn
Summary: Amalya Amel and Cullen have always been in love. From their first days in the Circle of Ferelden through his time in Kirkwall and her s as Commander of the Grey,but both knew it an impossible love separated by more than distance. What happens when she comes to Skyhold and that is no longer the case? Will they answer the Calling of the Heart? Or must she answer the Call of the Grey?
1. Prologue

**This prologue is primarily for those who do not know or need a refresher on the events of the Dragon Age Mage Origin Story up through the Lorcari Wilds Lothering and the beginning of her return to the Circle**

 **Prologue**

Amalya dropped to one knee panting, aware that the templars had swords at the ready but unable for the moment to bring herself even to stand, let alone defend herself. If they were to decide she were possessed she would die on her knees. An ignoble end for Irving's prized pupil

Prized pupil, as though she were a farm animal on display at market. Which she supposed she may as well be given the circumstance. She managed a weak laugh.

"Mage, state your condition." She heard Gregoir bark.

"Child," Irving's voice cut through her exhaustion "stand up."

She was finally able to do so. "I am well first enchanter. Only a bit tired. May I… may I have some water please?"

Irving smiled at her in approval. He had seen young mages exit the fade vomiting, passing out, screaming in terror, buy all Amalya said was that she was a bit tired and asked for water. The young templar, Cullen, the one they had tasked with striking her down should she return possessed, and Irving had known that was no accident, rushed forward with a flask of water.

"Here mistress, drink slowly." He was blushing like a school boy. Ahh, young love Irving thought with a smile.

"You are not a nurse maid" Gregoir said sharply, but even Irving knew the man was not as harsh as he came across. Neither of them were so foolish as to believe you keep could keep young men and women together and no one would get ideas. As long as it was discrete and no one jeopardized their position or did anything foolish, it actually kept everything safer. Templars would not allow a lover to become possessed, and mages fought harder against possession if they had something to lose. Of course pregnancies could not be allowed, but there were ways.

Cullen handed her the flask and moved back quickly.

Perhaps if they had left it there none of the rest would have happened. Perhaps she never would have followed Jowan. Or perhaps she would have turned him in. Perhaps she would not have left to join the Grey Wardens. But it had not ended there.

She had heard what the other mages were saying when they thought she was asleep. They were saying that Cullen really care about here. That they thought… they even thought he might be in love with her. She thought she would never get to experience any of that here.

She had thrown herself in to making herself the best apprentice for Irving that she could. Studied hard, did everything in her power to make him proud. And she knew that she had succeeded. It was clear when dignitaries visited she was the one he brought out to introduce them to. And she never disappointed him.

Like with the Commander of the Grey, Duncan. A good man. He needed help. The King needed help. Maker, if he was right all of Thedas needed help. A Blight. Maker, a Blight. She could not turn her back on that. Not even for Cullen.

But now it seemed maybe she could have both. The pride of her mentor, and maybe, just maybe love. If Cullen could be convinced to bend the rules. He was pretty strict. It was one of the things she admired about him.

Cornering him guarding Irving's chambers Amalya had flirted with him mildly, but in the end he had fled. Sure that this had been the end of… whatever this had been, she had agreed to meet Jowan. She was surprised, but not overly so, to know he had been keeping time with a priestess. He had been telling her for some time after all that he had been interested in someone, she was just glad it was not herself as she had half feared. So embarrassed over the Cullen incident she had agreed to help Jowan and Lily. Someone should get a happy ending.

And then Cullen had come to her. Confessed his feelings. Kissed her even. He had left, confused. Determined to do his duties. They had even argued a bit, both heartbroken. But she knew no matter what it was not over.

So she had gone to Irving, agreed to betray her best friend and his love. It pained her to do so, but Irving had been so sure Jowan was a blood mage. Perhaps he would change his mind if she could prove he was not. Irving was not unreasonable. And that Grey Warden, Duncan, she could appeal to him. With a plan in place she had set off in to the forbidden areas.

And that is where everything had blown up, quite literally. How could Jowan have secretly been practicing blood magic all of this time? And yet… clearly he had, there was no doubt about it.

The look on Cullen's face even after it had been revealed that she was working on Irving's orders... all she could do was stare at the floor. She knew she would never return. That this was the end of... whatever they were. She could not even say good bye properly.

Duncan seemed to understand. He looked at her with such steady compassion and told her quietly to gather her things and meet him at the entrance. There was barely time to say good bye to Irving, to thank hi for all he had done, for being the closest thing to a father she had ever had.

Gregoir had started to warn her about some such thing or another at the door. She was pleased and more than a bit smug when Duncan turned to him and said in a very stern voice "You do not give orders to my wardens, Knight Commander, you will find our charter is more than clear on that."

"Yes," Gregoir sneered "It is well known that Grey Wardens have been known to harbor blood mages in their ranks."

"There are worse things than blood mages in the Korcari Wilds Gregoir, and I and my Warden recruit need to be on our way to deal with them, you are welcome to join us if you would like to leave the safety of your tower to stand by the side of your King to do so. No? Then we shall bid you a nice _safe_ night." Amalya noticed he used the word safe like a curse.

With one last sad look behind her at the only home she had ever known, Amalya Amel gathered her cloak about her and set off with the second man who would in a very short time become a father figure to her.

And he was absolutely correct, there were far worse things than blood mages in the Korcari Wilds.

Dark Spawn being chief among them. To battle those blighted things she would have cheerfully slit both of her wrists and any who said otherwise was a bloody fool. She did get to meet the king. She agreed with Wynne's assessment, he was rather like an eager puppy.

His advisor Teyrn Logain was… something. Taciturn and angry and very suspicious of Grey Wardens.

The joining was terrifying. And gross. Drinking Dark Spawn blood was not even the worst of it. Losing both of the other recruits, Daveth and Jory was just awful. They had been the first friend's she had made outside of the circle. Inside of the circle everyone was trying to one up each other, she had never had friends who could just be … friends. Alistair maybe. He seemed like maybe he wanted to be friendly after she didn't die. It was kind of creepy to think that before that he hadn't wanted to get close in case she ended up dead. Tough life.

And she got to help a mabari. Poor thing. It was nice that it had let her help. They were both kind of misplaced, so she had taken to visiting when she could. Bringing treats.

And everything was pretty, well, pretty terrible really, until the orders to go up and light the damned signal fire.

And then it got really truly terrible. She had never seen anything so horrifying. The army retreated. How could the army retreat? Not that it mattered because by that time, she had been shot so many times she was pretty sure she was going to die and be eaten by that big fucking ogre that burst through the doors after they had lit the fire.

It had amazed her when she woke up and found the witch they had met earlier looking down at her tending her wounds. Morrigan.

And the fact that Morrigan was willing to answer questions. Well, that part was a little less surprising. It was really only Alistair that annoyed her. She and Morrigan had got along just fine. Alistair really had a way of annoying people. He acted awfully imperious for a blasted low ranked grey warden.

"Thank you for helping me, Morrigan she had finally said.

"I… you are welcome, but t'was mother who aided you, I am no healer" Morrigan almost looked shy to have been shown gratitude.

And after that, with Morrigan sent with them though Amalya made certain it was of her own free will, they had set off to form and army to defeat the blight.

The mabari hound she had assisted met up with them very quickly and Amalya was very pleased to see he had survived.

She was able for a time to put Cullen from her mind, but the very first place they stopped was a little town called Lothering where Templars were in attendance. And the first person they picked up was a young ley sister named Leliana. A lovely young woman but both the templars and Leliana reminded her of Cullen.

At least her next companion Sten, a Qunari was nothing like a templar or priest. He amused her greatly and made her feel very safe. Which was odd, considering he made it very clear he thought her lips should be sewn closed for everyone's protection and was a confessed brutal murderer of an entire family.

When she confessed he made her feel safe he merely stared at her. She was not sure if this was a good stare or a bad stare.

He was willing to answer her questions however and told her that he did not mind her quest for knowledge.

Sometimes she was able to answer questions that he found perplexing as well. And when she found out the problem with his missing sword she promised him they would find it. He actually thanked her. He confessed he did not necessarily believe her but he appreciated the words and knew she meant them.

She was in the town of Lotering when she discovered there were problems in Red Cliffe, that Arl Eamon was ill and his knights had been sent out to find the ashes of Andraste to heal him.

It turned out to be quite a bit worse than all of that, and even worse to find out her old friend Jowan had inadvertently helped the Arl's young son set monster's lose on the town and poisoned the Arl and everything just got worse from there because to save him someone was going to have to go into the fade.

They could have sacrificed the Arlessa, but that not only would have damaged their chances with gaining the Arl's help, Alistair didn't seem too keen on the idea either.

Which meant after all this time traveling she would be going back to the Circle. Back to Cullen.

She had never told anyone in her little group about the templar she had left behind. Well, except for Drake, her Mabari, and so far he had kept his own counsel on what he thought about that matter.

She knew she would find trouble at the Circle, but not what the trouble would be.


	2. Broken Circle Broken Heart

**Chapter 1**

Amalya was so happy when the blight had ended. Finally free to settle down with Cullen in a cheerful little cottage of their own. He had wanted a grand house in town but after all they had both suffered all she truly wanted was a small cottage with a little garden.

As a Grey Warden she was not required to return to the Circle when the blight ended. Of course having a husband who was also a Templar helped to settle the minds of her neighbors and being one of those same wardens who stopped the blight? There were perks.

And Cullen. He could not have been a more perfect husband. He insisted on taking the entire first year after their marriage off just to spend with her. He assured her that both of them had worked far too hard for this life to waste one moment of it apart. He did not even want her thinking about the Grey Wardens.

Although sometimes, like today she could not help it.

"Tell me again Cullen, how we defeated the Blight, sometimes here with you, it all seems so far away…" she smiled up at him as he encircled her waist with his arms.

"I was not there of course my love, but as they tell the story in Denerim, Duncan led the final battle against the Dragon in…" she frowned when he said this.

"Wait" she interrupted "Duncan? That can't be what they said, love, Duncan died at Ostagar…"

He laughed "Well then they must have meant that other Grey Warden leader…"

She looked out at the villagers who were passing them by frowning slightly "I don't understand, only Alistair and I survived Ostagar.."

"Ah yes, that is who I meant Alistair… he is the one who led the final charge." Cullen bent down and began kissing her neck "Are you certain there aren't other things we could be doing my love?"

"But Alistair wasn't leading by that point… I was… wasn't I…?" she was getting so confused.

"Does any of this really matter?" he was starting to sound annoyed at this point

"It matters that I am confused about it" she said angrily. The villagers outside had stopped and were now listening to the argument.

"Pushing, pushing, pushing you can't just be happy with what we have here" he was shouting now "we finally have our happily ever after. This is supposed to be everything you ever wanted. I am supposed to be everything you ever wanted. And now you are suddenly unhappy with our perfect life. You would rather be out there drenched in darkspawn blood."

"Why are you getting so angry about this?" suddenly she looked around. He was right this was perfect. Too perfect. How _had_ she got her? How had they defeated the Blight what was the last thing she remembered?

The Circle Tower. The demon. The _Sloth_ demon!

"This isn't real, and you… you are _not_ Cullen." She whispered sadly.

It hurt to kill him. He may not have been Cullen but he looked like him. Staring down at his body she gathered it to her chest and she wept. And apologized over and over again.

Looking at the Black City she prayed for an hour to the Maker for the sins she had committed and would commit in the name of stopping the Blight.

It was a long time before she could leave the body and finish finding her friends so they could defeat the demon and leave this place.

She wished she had not seen the horrors that stalked her friends in the night.

When they got to the top floor she saw Cullen trapped. She had a sinking feeling she knew what they had tortured him with.

She ran to the strange magical barrier he was trapped in and put her hand against it whispering his name. He looked up resignedly. "This trick again? It won't work I know what you are I will stay strong."

Sadly she asked "Cullen don't you recognize me?"

He cringed "Only... too well how far they must have delved into my thoughts."

Wynne looked at her with sympathy, she knew how Amalya must have felt about the Templar, theirs was not a wholly unique circumstance after all "The boy is exhausted. And this cage... I've never seen anything like it." To Cullen she said "Rest Easy Help is here."

Cullen collapsed to his knees "Enough visions. If anything in you is human... kill me now and stop this game. You broke the others but I will stay strong for my sake... for theirs... sifting through my thoughts... tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have... using my shame against me... my ill-advised infatuation with her... a mage, of all things. I am so tired of these cruel jokes... these tricks... these ..."

Now, nearly in tears Amalya pressed both hands to the barrier "Cullen this is no trick I am here I came back for you..."

Cullen, at his breaking point closed his eyes and shouted "Silence.. I'll not listen to anything you say. Now begone!" When he opened them he seemed surprised "Still here? But that's always worked before. I close my eyes, but you're still here when I open them."

Amalya was equally broken "You called me a secret and a shame…"

Cullen was in no mood to hear her heart breaking "I am beyond caring what you think the Maker knows my sin and I pray he will forgive me."

But then it had not been the first time she remembered as she felt the familiar burn behind her eyes "Yes, so you said the night before I left. I... remember…"

He looked at her as though she were the cause of all his distress. Perhaps in his mind she was. "It was the foolish fancy of a naive boy. I know better now. Why have you returned to the tower how have you survived?"

Did it matter she wondered? "Because I didn't learn better. I killed everything in my path to get to you. And Uldred is next."

He finally seemed to see her, just her for a moment. His hands touched where hers still lay against the barrier "I... am the only one of us left they turned some in to monsters. And there was nothing I could do. They all deserve to die."

"Cullen…" she whispered his name again only to watch his face harden. "I am a mage too Cullen, do I deserve to die?" She was afraid to hear his answer. A lone tear trailed down her cheek.

His resolve seemed to weaken at that. His hand twitched as though longing to wipe it a way. "You weren't in the tower. They have been surrounded by blood mages whose wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts."

"I can't just slaughter everyone Cullen… not even for you" she whispered this last part.

Turning she looked up the stairs. The look on her face was not the one she reserved for friends and loved one, but the ones darkspawn and other enemies had learned to fear. The one that had Teryn Logain increase the bounty on her head three times.

The battle could hardly be called that. It was more of a slaughter. The abomination Uldred turned in to had not been prepared to face the monster she became. With the Littany of Adralla stopping him from making more Abominations there was only she and him in the end. And as the last curse flew from the end of her staff and he fell there was no expression on her face. No fear. No triumph. Just emptiness.

She could hear Wynne talking to Irving behind her. She knew she should see to the others. But all she could do was stand over the corpse of her enemy and think that this, all of this carnage, was why she would never be good enough for the man caged downstairs. Turning and looking in to Irving's eyes she knew that somehow he _knew_ that he understood. He gave her a small tight nod as he asked to be assisted down the stairs.

She also knew this was to give her time to come to terms with what had happened here. What she had done here. What had been done to her here. As if she ever could.

She walked around the room stepping over and around the bodies. In this very room she had been taken one night to enter the fade and become a full fledged made through the Harrowing or become possessed and die in the attempt.

Outside waiting for her had been Cullen. The man she cared for, tasked with running her through with his sword should she fail. His being chosen for the task was not an accident.

She ran her hand around the font that carried the lyrium during the Harrowing. It took a great deal of lyrium to enter the fade. Lyrium and will.

She remembered the pride demon she had faced with a smile. Such a little thing. Was it wrong that she remembered it fondly? She supposed so. And yet she could not help it. In the end she had won, but could not deny it had flattered her. Well, of course it had that was its job, but she also had a feeling it had not lied to her. It was not a demon of deceit after all.

And it had warned her honesty. True tests never end. How right it had been. She grabbed both sides of the font and stared in to its empty depths. She had been tested for pride, sloth, greed and rage every day of her life since then.

And today she was being tested to see how much damage her heart could take before it shattered.

She heard the footsteps on the stairs. She did not have to look up to know whose they were. How many years had she heard those same steps? How many years had she listened for them?

She did not want to look up. She could not stand to see the look of hate, or worse, indifference, again, in the eyes of the only man she had ever, or knew that she would ever love.

So she looked down at her hands. The hands that were covered in blood and gripping the font that had plunged her in to her new life. "Cullen." She said "Why have you come?"

"Amalya…" his voice sounded so tortured she finally looked at him.

She drew in a shuddering breath "I… should have been here. I will never forgive myself for what they did to this place… to you." She closed her eyes in defeat.

In a few steps he had closed the distance between them and pulled her in to his arms. They would have… could have… nothing else. But they could have this one moment in time. And as they stood in each other's arms his face buried in her hair they wept for everything that could have been.

She left that day with her treatise with the Templars and mages intact but her heart in tatters.

If she had known what would happen to Cullen in Kirkwall she would have trussed him up and hauled him with her that very day whether he was willing or not.

If she had known a lot about what would happen in Kirkwall a lot of things would have gone differently.


	3. The Knight Captain

The Warden walked to the front of the tavern. This had to be the place given the upside down man hanging outside. Hanged Man indeed. She shook her head.

"Well this is no Pearl heh heh" her dwarven traveling companion and one of her oldest friends chuckled next to her.

Shrugging Amalya looked down at Oghren. "But then what is? But you are right, I doubt we are going to find anyone as accommodating as Sanga in here."

"heheh three greased nugs and a pirate wench…" Oghren continued to chuckle at her.

Smacking his shoulder, but with a laugh Amalya said "Let's go dwarf."

Walking inside the first thing Amalya thought was how every damned tavern in the world looked and smelled the same. Saw dust on the floor, the odor stale wine, bad beer and piss filled the air and a barman swiping the inside of a mug with a rag so filthy he was absolutely doing more harm than good.

"Ask at the bar?" Oghren suggested when they did not see their quarry inside the main room.

"If you are that anxious to be lied to I can always call in Sigrun to tell you how much she adores you to little bitsy bits." Grinned Amalya having rather enjoyed that forfeit she got out of the young dwarf during a particularly long game of Wicked Grace.

"Cruel, Warden, very cruel." Oghren groaned.

Neither one had noticed the amount of attention they were garnering. Nor would they have cared. As the Hero of Ferelden and one of her trusted companions they were used to attention wherever they went. They also did not notice when one young templar slipped out the door in a hurry.

"Upstairs." She jerked her head towards the staircase. "If he is anywhere in here it is up there."

With a nod Oghren followed his commander up the staircase. A few looked like they might try to stop them, or at least question them, but when Oghren's hand dropped to his weapon they let the two pass without comment.

Upstairs they found several rooms. No prostitutes which only further cemented in Oghren's mind they were in the wrong place, but several patrons who looked like they may actually live here.

In one open door Amalya stopped for a moment. It looked like it had been furnished straight out of Orzammar. "Can I help you?" asked a voice from within. Looking around Amalya noticed a beardless dwarf on a rather ornate chair. Not quite a throne… but close.

"No, sorry, I just haven't seen furnishing like this since the last time I was in Orzammar, I was feeling a bit nostalgic..." Amalya started to wave the dwarf off and continue on her way when he stopped her.

"Nostalgic? For tunnels filled with body odor and nugshit?" The dwarf laughed.

"And dangerous pools of lava, don't forget those. Always a joy wondering if good natured jostling was going to singe the face off of your skull." Amalya returned his easy smile.

"And those vaulted ceilings!" he snorted.

"A friend of mine once commented that dwarves must own an impressive array of ladders." She entered the room when he waved her in. There was something about this man she could not help but like.

"Have a seat, you sound like someone I should know." He poured her a mug of ale. Looking at it suspiciously, she had dwarven ale once and did not care to repeat the experience.

"It isn't poisoned" he grinned at her.

"That's what they told me about the last dwarven ale I drank. The poison would have been easier to swallow.

"Well this is just plain old ale. It is bitter and unpleasant. In other words a damned site better than dwarvish ale." They both laughed.

"Varric" he said holding out a hand "Varric Tethras."

Why did that name sound so familiar she wondered "Amalya Amell."

"By the Maker, you are the Hero of Ferelden?" he looked stunned.

"That's the rumor." She grinned.

"Well I'll be… now I know you are someone I want to know. Too bad someone already wrote your memoir." He looked genuinely put out by this.

"Wait… Tethras… didn't you write a pretty popular series of books? I had a hell of a time keeping them in stock for my wardens." she remembered suddenly the dwarf author who had her entire fortress in an uproar waiting for another installment of his novels."

"Well I'll be the Ferelden wardens actually read my writing." He grinned. "So what brings the Hero of Ferelden to our neck of the woods. You aren't the usual sort of refugee we get here."

"Warden business." She hesitated.

"In other words none of my damned business?" he did not seem offended.

"There is someone I don't want to know that I am in town." She finally admitted.

"You sure aren't the first." She did like his easy going way.

They were both startled when a woman rushed in the door. "Varric, the templars are on their way and that Knight Captain is leading them." She stopped short when she saw Amalya.

"Warden?" she looked surprised and pleased to see Amalya.

"Isabella?" Amalya jumped up to hug the other woman "Last I heard you had set sail and were terrorizing the northern coasts."

"Trouble with Qunari kept me here." Isabella told her holding her out at arm's length. "You look good for a dead woman. I was sure that damned Blight was going to kill you."

"I hope you didn't lose too much coin betting on me to die." Amalya laughed.

"Betting on friend's to die is just tacky! I bet on YOUR friends to die." They both laughed at this as Oghren leaned up against the door looking amused.

"I'll be dipped, Isabella, you really DO know the Hero of Ferelden." Varric seemed genuinely surprised.

Isabella looked at him amazed. "You thought I lied?"

"Yeah, because lying is so beneath you, wench." Muttered Oghren from the door.

"Quiet dwarf" she looked over at him with a warning.

"Well, Warden all we need now is a few greased nugs."

Both women told him to shut up. "That is a story I need to hear." Laughed Varric.

Commotion downstairs stopped their merriment for a moment. "Shit," spat Isabella "I forgot, Templars on their way here. Knight Captain."

Oghren and Amalya looked at each other "I am sure this is about me. I will assure them I am no threat, no runner from the circle and this will be over in a few minutes."

Stepping down stairs with Oghren, Varric and Isabella on her heels Amalya entered the room full of confidence. Until she saw the man standing at the door. Then she wanted nothing so much as she wanted to run.

"Isabella" she whispered "the man at the door. Is that the Knight Captain."

"Yes that is…" Isabella got out nothing more as Amalya finished descending the stairs nearly in a trance. She finally stopped in the middle of the room looking at the man who had watched her descend the stairs in a state of denial himself.

Clasping her hands in front of her to control any nervous tremor she finally managed to choke out "Knight Captain, I assume you are here to question me?"

Shaking himself slightly Cullen looked in to the eyes of the woman he was certain he would never see again. He could not deny how good she looked. The warden life seemed to agree with her. She had always been self assured. Even almost cocky, but that was now clearly tempered with experience and wisdom.

"Commander." He finally managed "We had not received word you would be arriving in Kirkwall."

Normally she would have told him her comings and goings were none of the Circle's business but this was Cullen. While he was probably married now with children he was still the only man she had ever loved and that deserved some sort of civil response.

"I did not know you were here Cullen or I would have sent word. I am certain we could have come to an understanding." What she meant was she could have managed to avoid him. Seeing him was still too painful.

Realizing he could not stand in the doorway forever, Cullen finally came forward and sat at one of the tables motioning to the seat across from him. Hesitating only a moment Amalya sat down. The last thing she wanted to do was pretend to have a normal conversation with him.

"How long are you here for?" he asked quietly, trying to memorize every feature on her face. There were some small scars he did not remember from before.

"Not long, there is some warden business I have to take care of." She wanted to ask how he had been since the Circle, but couldn't quite dare. Especially not in front of strangers.

"Does this have anything to do with the apostate warden?" he was hoping she would drag that bastard off before he became more of an issue.

Looking down at the table she whispered "Is that how you see me, Cullen? An apostate?"

He looked startled "No… I… he is an ex-warden though, right? So _he_ is an apostate."

"There are no ex-wardens Cullen. Once you are in, it's for life. We don't revoke privileges. If someone commits a serious enough offense we… take care of it." She looked him in the eye when she said this. It was almost chilling.

"Is that your plan here?" he asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Cullen, I can't share what I am doing here with you. I am in enough trouble with Weisshaupt. Outsiders, especially Templars wanting to be involved in Warden business would be trouble I just don't need." Plus, if what she had learned was correct, she could not let Cullen anywhere near Anders. It would bring up memories that would be too painful for both of them. And may very well push Cullen over the edge.

"I have to tell Meredith something." He said

"Tell her to leave my King alone. That would be a damned fine start." Amalya had heard all about Meredith ambushing Alistair with accusations of allowing mages to run wild. By which she was certain the Knight Commander meant her. Bitch.

Right, thought Cullen. Alistair Therin, King of Ferelden and reported lover of the Hero of Ferelden. "Of course. King Alistair, I am surprised I didn't see you when he visited before. I hear you two are inseparable."

Did he sound jealous she wondered? "King Alistair is a fellow warden and a dear friend Cullen, but we are hardly inseparable."

He stood up suddenly "I will tell Meredith you are here on warden business and won't be in the city long. Let the chantry know if you require anything Warden Commander."

She watched him stalk out puzzled.


	4. Finding Justice

It had taken four days and assistance from the Champion of Kirkwall, who was, as it turns out Amalya's own cousin, to run Anders to ground. The meeting had gone exactly as poorly as she had expected it would.

She had been asked to meet with Hawke and two of her companions, Aveline Vallen, Captain of the Guard and a very attractive elf named Fenris. They were to meet at the Hanged Man and then she would be led to Anders. Amalya could not believe how nervous she was. She had no fear of Anders or Justice. Not being able to believe even knowing what they had become that either would raise a hand against her. No, it was the position their actions had forced her in to.

They had slaughtered Wardens when they left. There were extenuating circumstances. Rolan had over stepped his boundaries. He had no right to determine who was allowed to stay in the Wardens and who was not. In her absence that was up to Nathaniel Howe who had been absent during the incident.

Still… the damage was done. And it could not all be called self defense.

When the Champion and her companions arrived Amalya could not help but notice they looked more resigned than eager. She could not blame them. Anders had a way of worming his way in to your heart.  
The elf she noticed right away was not predisposed to trust her, and looking at the marks on his body she knew why. Someone had carved symbols in to his flesh and filled them with lyrium. Symbols that somehow bound him to the fade. They must have been unimaginably painful. Even now they must cause him pain. And it could only have been a mage who had carved them. From his accent she would guess Tevinter.

Tracing one particularly deep marking up his neck and chin she finally met his eyes which were looking at her with contempt. Amalya could only look back sorrowfully. Quietly she whispered "I'm so sorry that was done to you."

Narrowing his eyes and sneering at her Fenris asked "What could you possibly have to be sorry about? You didn't hold me down and carve these in to me."

Amalya closed her eyes and lowered her head saying nothing.

The guard captain looked at him sternly "That is uncalled for elf."

Amalya shook her head "No, it is alright. I… excuse me, please let me know when you are ready to leave."

"Wait mage… Amalya…" Fenris called out to her.

Turning around, but not quite looking him in the eye "Yes Fenris?" she asked quietly.

"What does someone like you want with someone like Anders? What do you intend to do with him?" the way he said Anders name she was sure he did not care for her fellow Warden.

"I… he harmed one of my friends… my… I suppose you could say someone who was the moral compass of our group, very badly. He… left under very bad circumstances even beyond that. Anders is my responsibility. Whatever he has done, whatever he has become… it is my fault. I did this. I have to make it right no matter what that means." Amalya could feel Oghren move closer to her for support. His presence made her feel better. He was with her when she was still nothing more than a recruit warden floundering in the dark.

Fenris looked at her for a long time. "I will aid you." Was all he finally said.

"Thank you Fenris, I am honored to have you by my side." Even through her uncertainty and pain Amalya managed to smile at the elf. He did not return the smile but she thought his expression softened a little as he watched her.

Hawke looked between the two and finally spoke up "You are something else cousin, I don't think I have ever heard Fenris say a kind thing to a mage in less than a year. It was at least than long before he stopped snarling at Bethany.

The look Fenris gave Hawke was both so annoyed and tender and full of promise that Amalya knew immediately there was something more there than travelling and adventuring companions. Interesting.

Aveline was looking at him with something akin to a motherly smirk.

"What, Aveline?" Fenris asked her finally in exasperation.

"Nothing at all, Fenris, nothing at all." She smiled down in to the hot mug of what ever in the name of the Maker passed for tea in the city.

Finally, all differences aside they set off towards, of all things, a great in the ground. Once this was pulled down a rusty ladder whose strength Amalya was loath to test the weight of Aveline's armor on led us down. The party ended up in an area of the city that looked like human's very own version of a dust town and alienage all rolled up in to one awful stench filled rubble heap of crime and depression. Amalya sighed. It wasn't the first time she had seen a place like this and she knew it would not be the last.

They finally went down one long… street she supposed it would be called topside and there were very serviceable doors at the end. She knew this had to be Anders place because there were bowls of milk sat outside. They were almost enough to make her break down and weep. The others stood by as she stopped and stared at the bowls for a very long time before steeling herself.

Anders was waiting for her. Even though his back was turned she could tell by the tenseness in his shoulders. He had not ran. That said… something. She was not quite sure what.

"Commander." He said quietly.

"You will give me your attention when you speak to me Warden." She spoke crisply, with authority. This was not the woman of the tavern they had all been sharing drinks with. This was the Ferelden Commander of the Grey, Vanquisher of the Blight. None of them were ever quite sure later how he dared defy her.

"I am no longer a Warden." Anders spoke bitterly, he had yet to turn around.

"Your blood says differently. You did not greet me as Amalya, you greeted me as Commander, and you will still face the Calling. Do you not remember the words I spoke to you at your Joining, Anders? The day I asked you to come with me, to bear my burden and you agreed?" Amalya spoke all of this softly, but each word hit Anders like a blow. The others could see him flinch as she carried on.

 _"Join us brothers and sisters._  
 _Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant._  
 _Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn._  
 _And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten._  
 _And that one day we shall join you."_

By the second line he had turned around and joined her in finishing the words that had immediately preceded the most important vow he had ever made in his life.

"Commander…." He said haltingly.

"Our motto Warden." She bit back at him.

 _"In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice." They both repeated together._

By this time Anders had tears in his eyes. His implacable Commander did not. He knew the only one to have never chained him down, to have given him a chance to be everything he could be stood before him. And he knew why she was angry enough to kill him where he stood. His betrayal of her had nothing to do with dead Wardens. No Wardens were dead the moment they drank from the Chalice, it just took awhile to kick in.

"You say these words to me Anders. You said you understood honor and duty. You claimed my friendship." The three people standing behind her knew something far more than had taken place than Anders defecting from the Wardens.

"Amalya let me explain…" Anders was pleading now.

"Explain? EXPLAIN?! YOU DESTROYED MY FRIEND! YOU TURNED HIM INTO A FUCKING DEMON! HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT?!" she was shouting now in a rage. Hawke and Aveline were wondering if they were going to have to try and hold her back.

Aveline was worried if she even had the legal right.

Fenris was glad he was finally going to be able to rid the world of this abomination.

Anders drew back. He knew he could not take on his Commander, let alone the elf who was clearly lusting for his blood as well.

Breathing hard trying to gain a grip on herself. "I want to speak to Justice NOW!"

"Justice and I cannot be separated we are one and…" pulling her staff so quickly it was nearly a blur she had it right under Anders chin.

"Then I shall simply kill you and speak to him in the Fade when your body is a rotting corpse." Anders knew by the look in her eyes she was not to be trifled with, but more importantly Justice struggled against his bonds.

Everyone in the room watched as a white light poured from Anders eyes. The form of a warrior was super imposed over Anders.

"Justice…" Amalya breathed.

"I am here my friend." His voice the others noticed was wholly unlike Anders. Deep and commanding.

Holding out her hand the others noticed for the first time Amalya had a lyrium ring. "I wore this for you." She said "I… remember how you like the way it sings."

Both the ghostly figure and Anders smiled, although Anders was clearly vacant from consciousness. "You have been a good friend, Commander."

Finally collapsing forward and grabbing Justice/Anders by the arm Amalya pleaded "Tell me what to do Justice, you were the best of us, our moral compass I… I don't know the right thing here. Do I kill Anders to free you? Will that free you? I failed you my friend. I dragged you to this world and now…"

Clasping her forearms Justice said "You have done no such thing Commander, you have allowed me to bring Justice to your kind."

Frowning at him Amalya asked confused "My kind?"

"Mages, shackled to this world, held in bondage as you once were." His voice was growing darker she noticed. It was not Anders, but it certainly was not the Justice she knew. Justice fell in to the Qunlat the two of them had often practiced together. She had learned so much from Sten, now the Arishok and some from the Vassoth at Vigil's Keep.

"Ataash varin kata" _**In the end lies glory.**_ Justice told her.

"You never wanted glory before Kadan, only justice." Amalya was becoming more and more worried about his state of mind. Of being, Justice should be incapable of thinking like this.

"Ost maraas imekari" _**You are a child bleating without meaning.**_ Had he really just said this to her? What was happening here?

"Ashkost kata Kadan" _**You are seeking death my friend!**_ She had to talk him out of this!

"Anaan esaam shok" _**Victory in war**_ This was not Justice, he was no longer her friend. He was now something different. Anders would die for this, but there were too many innocents in this room.

"Shok ebasit hissra. Meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun. Maraas shok." _**This war is an illusion. The tide rises, the tide falls, but the sea is changeless. There is nothing to war against.**_  
Amalya lowered her eyes and when she looked up again it was once again Anders staring back at her.

"I am giving you one chance Anders, and only one. You can surrender peacefully to me. If you do not, I will return here with enough Wardens to destroy every man woman and child in this hell hole. And I will obtain Chantry permission to do so." She could hear the gasps of the two women behind her. The elf remained silent.

"You would truly do that Commander?" Anders looked at her his eyes hardened, but fearful.

"I think we both know the answer to that Anders. Ask the citizens of Amaranthine if you don't believe me. Oh wait… you can't. I burned the city to the ground to come back and save you." Her voice was hard as an Orzammar anvil.

"Wait… Commander… Amalya… please. I have a solution first. I have a ritual. It can separate Justice and myself. Allow him to return to the Fade before you take me in. I can… if Hawke agrees to help me, would you allow this?" Anders looked pleadingly at Hawke.

"If she agrees. And if you remain here, under guard. Yes." Amalya looked to Hawke who readily agreed to help.

"I will agree to any stipulation, I ask only that you allow me to visit the Chantry for services." Not being so heartless as deny anyone the comforts of the Chantry Amalya agreed to this easily enough and the party took their leave.

On their way out, she noticed Fenris looking at her oddly. "Is something amiss?"

"Where did you learn to speak Qunlat so fluently?" he asked

"Oh, that, my travelling companion who helped me defeat the blight was Sten, oh, although I guess he is the Arishok now. He is kadan to me. I helped him locate Asaala his sword." As Amalya spoke Fenris' eyes grew wide.

"You speak these words so casually" he said "not many could lay claim to such exalted friends."

"When I knew him he was not exalted, he was a mean pain in the ass who thought I was callow." She laughed.


	5. Devastation at the Chantry

Sitting in the wreckage of the Chantry Amalya was horrified in to a near catatonic state. He had done this. _Anders_. The name tasted like ashes in her mouth. This was no circle he had blown up. It was a Chantry. The one he claimed he was visiting in faith.

As her ears rang with the horror of what she was seeing slowly the voices of the others came to her. Meredith had called for the Right of Annulment. Orsino was begging the Champion to help him.

Someone, the chantry brother, or maybe he was a prince, she had never been clear argued that they did not need do either as the culprit was right here.

Both culprits, Amalya thought. No… all three. She had helped him do this. Allowed him time to get the bomb in place. If she had known the ingredients he was collecting… salt peter… drakestone… she would have known this was an explosive and not a separation ritual, but she had not asked. That made her every bit as culpable.

Cullen came running up just then, where he had been that he had not been on scene at once Amalya didn't know. She had hoped perhaps she could escape here before he arrived. And looking in to his eyes she knew why. The condemnation she saw was almost unbearable.

"You… you allowed this monster free reign in our city. Even knowing what you do about abominations… knowing what they are capable of." He was angry, hurt, betrayed.

Amalya could not meet his gaze again. "I know" she whispered. "I failed you again. Whatever…" she swallowed hard "whatever you need me to do now I will."

She could not allow herself the relief of tears. Not now. Later when she was alone.

"Did you even consider what this would do to me? To the city?" Cullen hissed quietly "Or was it once again all about your precious Wardens?"

Standing Amalya looked at the ground thinking of a response. Behind her she heard footsteps. "Are you with me Warden Commander, or will you leave the city in a mess one of yours created?"

Meredith. Oh how she hated the woman, but this time the Knight Commander was in the right. Looking Cullen in the eyes again she said quietly but firmly "I am with you. Until the end."

Whether she meant this battle or something more she did not want to investigate right then. Nor did she have time as she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"That is all I have been waiting for amor." Turning she was never so glad to see an assassin standing behind her back as she was at that moment. Although she thought it odd he called her "amor", or "love" this time instead of "amica" for "friend". But Zevran always pushed boundaries.

"Zev… I…" she blinked hard her eyes burning. Amalya wanted to badly to fling herself in to his arms and weep. But not now, not ever. Breaking down was a luxury she could not afford.

"I must gather my forces at the gallows, meet me there as soon as you can, commander. I will leave this… murderer to you to deal with. He is your warden, do as you see fit." Cullen did not appear to trust she would do the right thing as he stood vigilant watching her every move.

"Would you like me to deal with Anders, mia amica?" ah Zevran, always willing to help her keep her hands clean. Not this time though.

"No… this is my failure. _He_ is my failure, this is my duty." As Amalya passed Zevran he pressed a dagger in to her hand.

"It will be quick and painless, Amalya." She nodded her thanks.

Approaching Anders from behind him, the rogue mage finally spoke to her "You cannot say anything to me that I have not said to myself. I took a spirit in to my body and changed myself to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."

"Don't you dare blame this on Justice." She hissed "This is your burden. And mine. My failure."

Anders flinched "Not yours Commander… never yours. But I am glad it is you who will… you gave me the chance no one else ever has."

"And you used that chance to become a murderer! Why… why would you hurt the Grand Cleric? People will want answers Anders, and you are leaving me to provide those answers." She had to know before she sent him to the Maker.

"I removed the possibility of compromise because there can be no compromise. The people fear what we can do and use that as an excuse to bludgeon us in to submission with our blessing. And if I pay for that with my life then I pay. Perhaps now Justice will be free." They were the words of a fanatic she knew there was no redemption for him. Not this time.

"I have one last question. When we first met… did you kill those Templars? Have you been lying to me all along and I too foolish to notice?" It had been bothering her ever since she learned he had killed Wardens to escape.

"No, that truly was darkspawn. And I swear, I never lied about your being my friend." Amalya did not know if this should make her feel better or worse…

"If that were me in the Chantry, would you still be sitting out here making idle chat with my murderer?" Amalya had not even noticed Cullen approach her from behind until he spoke quietly.

"Good bye Anders." As Amalya leaned over to deliver the coup de gras she whispered to him "In death sacrifice. I will be going to the deep roads after this. Know that one day I shall join you."

When it was over for a long time all she could do was stare at the blood on her hands. Zevran stepped forward with a rag he had wet with water from Maker knows where and wiped her hands clean.

"Thank you." She said quietly "Let us go and join the Knight Commander.

When she turned she was amazed to see the Champion and her entourage standing behind her.

"We are with you, cousin." Hawke said.

"Lead on." Was the only comment Fenris made, but it was enough/ The look in his eyes told her he understood how hard she had taken this failure.

And so lead she did. Against the mages of the Circle. A Circle she had once vowed to defend with her life. But that was a different Circle in a different city in a different country.

When Orsino had turned into a monster from her nightmares, one she had battled before in Amgarrak Thaig. She knew she would have to make several stops in Orzammarr to decide how that particular abomination had spread to the surface.

And Meredith and that red lyrium. She would have to see Bodahn and Sandal before she left. She had not been able to visit them earlier so tied up in this mage versus Templar mess she had become. She also didn't want to know how close Cullen and Hawke had become. Were they close friends? Would she find him in her cousin's home if she went there?

She hated to admit to being a coward when it came to anything, but she knew that when it came to Cullen she had no confidence at all.

Hawke led the party when they had all finally left the broken Circle. The Templars were lined up outside. Would this be a fight? Would they want revenge for the death of Meredith? If she was even truly dead. Maker, Amalya hoped so. To think of her as aware in that statue was horrifying. And all too possible as she knew from Shale's story.

No, there would be no battle. The Templars kneeled to Hawke. They seemed to want this over and for stability to return as much as anyone.

And that stability would be hard won. Between the Qunari uprising and the Annulment the city was in ruins. The young Prince of Starkhaven, as it turned out he was both prince and chantry brother, vowed to return with men and assistance.

Immediately after the battle the party retired to Hawke's ancestral home and she was finally reunited with Bodahn and sandal. Neither one could shed much light on the red lyrium but it was great to catch up. The two dwarves never failed to make her feel better.

Hawke listening to the three finally interrupted their reminiscing. "When Bodahn told me he helped in a small way when you defeated the Blight I was not aware how close you all were!"

"Helped in… what Bodahn and Sandal did was no small assistance. They were vital. Without them I would not have been stocked, my items would never have had the enchantments needed to slay the Archdemon, and we probably would have all starved or frozen!" Amalya could not believe that Bodahn called their contribution small.

"We owed you a debt that we can never repay." Bodahn said in a modest self deprecating way.

Sandal reached out and took her hand and said very sincerely "Enchantment."

"Indeed" Amalya said smiling at the young man "Without your enchantments I would not be here now."

"Enchantment!" sandal said enthusiastically.

Hawke was amazed that the two seemed to be communicating well with just his saying that one word.

Zevran was waiting for her. He needed to return to Ferelden before making his final trip to Antiva. Or so he told her. She suspected he just wanted to make sure that she was alright.

Both he and Oghren had been hovering around her like two mother hen's. They had even got Nathaniel Howe involved. It was mortifying. At least she got to see her cousin Bethany who was also a warden now.

She had spoken at length the Bethany about the changes she faced. The young woman was still very shaken by her experience. In the end Bethany left her feeling better and Amalya felt like she was able to make one last difference to the Wardens.

Hawke approached her later to thank her. The Champion and her sister had been able to speak honestly finally. Their differences were not so easy to just put aside, but they were speaking, thank the maker and for that Hawke was very grateful.

She was also able to say goodbye to Fenris. She and the elf had struck up a comfortable friendship after he saw how seriously she took her responsibilities. He was the only one she told of her intent to disappear in to the deep roads. He was saddened by this news, but understood. He did urge her to reconsider and find her resolve to live again.

Before she left the city for good she saw Cullen standing at the battlements watching her with a pensive look on his face. They watched each other for a brief time before she finally gathered her companions to her to leave the city of Kirkwall.


	6. Arrival at Skyhold

"Commander Cullen, the Grey Wardens have been sighted." The young recruit stood in the doorway uncertainly.

Cullen did not even look up from the maps he was making notations on. "Very well, recruit. Lead them to the lodging set up for them. Tell their commander I will meet with him tomorrow after they have a chance to settle in."

"errrm… the commander is a woman and…" the young man started uncomfortably.

What was it with these young men and women that everything had to be just so? "Fine tell _her_ I will meet with _her_ tomorrow. Orlesians like to have a day to settle in, recruit, it is fine."

"These are not the Orlesian Grey Wardens, Commander they are from Ferelden, by their banner and…" Cullen looked up suddenly into clear blue eyes that he had not seen since Kirkwall.

"And your young solider is trying to find a diplomatic way of telling you that I am already in the room Cullen." Amalya said quietly from the doorway.

"And that…" finished the recruit somewhat lamely.

"I can go to my camp and wait until tomorrow if that is what you prefer, Cullen." Amalya was uncertain what her reception would be like here. Leliana would be glad to see her, and so would Morrigan, although the witch would never admit it, but with Cullen…

"No… it's fine Commander… you may leave." Was he stumbling over his words? Why did this woman still have the ability to shake him up all of these years later?

The recruit looked uncomfortably between the two. Placing a gentle hand on his shoulder Amalya looked down at the young soldier "What is your name?"

"Ma..Marcus mi'lady." The boy stammered.

Amalya knew that she just did not have the courage to stay here any longer. Why she thought she had was beyond her. "Just Warden will do, Marcus, I am not nobility. When Cullen said 'you may leave' he did mean you. I am afraid I have disturbed his plans for the day. Would you please walk with me out…."

"NO!" Cullen said loudly, startling them both, "I meant no, you did not disturb my plans… Warden, please… stay." Nodding, Amalya took the chair Cullen pulled out for her. She noticed Marcus fled the room as soon as he was certain he had been dismissed. Traitor.

"So… what brings you to Skyhold, Warden?" Cullen asked carefully.

What _did_ bring her to Skyhold? A man who refused to use her name and a letter that refused to write itself, that was what. When Leliana sent out people looking for her, it had rather surprised Amalya that Leliana suddenly had "people", well, people who were not also Chantry people. Amalya had not intended to emerge from Orzammarr again, let alone travel to Skyhold.

After all, it was not as if she had anything valuable to offer Skyhold's spymaster. Amalya had never so much as heard the name Corypheus before. And none of the Ferelden Wardens were suffering from red lyrium or bouts of madness. Not like she had been told was happening in Orlais. But she was rather curious about how that crap had spread from Kirkwall.

But still, she was not leaving Orzammarr. King Bhelan had been more than accommodating. She had her own quarters in the Royal Palace, Andraste's ass, Bhelan had even offered her Harrowmont's estate. That was a bit much for her purposes, but she had still accepted on the behalf of the Wardens. It would be nice for them to have a place in Orzammarr.

Amalya even took part in a few arena battles for old dimes sake. The young dwarf who had finally beat her was going to be drinking free for a long time based on that story. Having had her fill of dwarven ale, Amalya was not jealous of him.

Amalya sat down to write the letter that had ultimately led her here. She still had a copy of it in her bags. She sent one to Leliana

To Her Worship, Inquisitor Trevelyan:

I wish that I had helpful information regarding Corypheus, but due to my own limited training during the Blight, I know less of ancient darkspawn lore than do most Wardens. I am engaged in a search of my own. All Grey Wardens who do not fall in battle eventually fall to something known as the Calling, a magic that preys upon our own connection to the Blight and the darkspawn. Rather than such foul magic eventually leading to my death, I have determined to find a way to negate this Calling and save all Wardens from its effects.

I appreciate your warning regarding Corypheus. Fortunately, my own search has taken me out of the area where the supposed magister is operating, and while I have encountered challenges of my own, they have not involved any weakness related to my Grey Warden abilities.

As I have little useful information to offer, please accept the accompanying gifts instead. If, in my quest, I find anything that may be of use to you in your fight against Corypheus, I will send it to you immediately,

Warden Commander Amel

More than anything Amalya had wanted to send a personal letter to Cullen. To say good bye to tell him how she felt, and had always felt, about him. But after several tries and one mishap that ended up with an inkpot violently shattered against a far wall, she had given up. For some reason the letter Branka had left for Oghren came to her mind. "What I have to say is for his ears only."

The next day Amalya had packed her bags and left for Skyhold.

When she had arrived with a small contingent of Grey Wardens, Nathaniel Howe, Oghren and five recruits who needed to experience the world more, she had stopped a mage. "Please send word to Sister Leliana and let her know that Amalya Amel would very much like to see her."

Coward that Amalya was she could not quite dare ask for Cullen. Take down an Arch Demon? Can do. Kill a Mother, actually two Mother's and battle talking darkspawn? Bring them on.

Face the man she had let down and failed time and time again? "May I speak to Sister Leliana please?"

Amalya was surprised and amused when the young mage offered to get Commander Cullen, Ex Knight Captain of Kirkwall instead of Leliana. The look of gratitude and relief on the young mage's face when she had agreed almost caused Amalya to laugh out loud. The mage wasn't exactly the bravest either as it was the young soldier Marcus who had escorted her.

Finally looking up at Cullen, as much as Amalya desperately wanted to tell him that she had come for him, to see him to know if he was happy she finally said "I felt bad about sending a letter to Leliana instead of coming to offer my assistance."

Before Cullen could say anything from across the room she heard "Andraste's ass how she lies. Spinning to the door Amalya saw Leliana leaning against it with a smug look on her horribly self satisfied face.

"Leliana" Amalya said warningly and then laughed and threw herself in to the arms of her old friend.

"I knew if I told you that _we_ needed your help you would show up." Leliana grinned at her.

"I came because you asked me to, let that be enough Leliana." _Please_ Amalya prayed silently.

"Josephine may never forgive you for not sending word ahead so she can properly fete you, you know." It was clear Leliana had no intent to leave.

"Lady Montilyet will surely excuse me for not feeling up to a large party." Amalya said warily.

"Oh ho, so you think. Josephine is an Antivan who went to finishing school in Orlais., she plays the Game like a master born to it and the arrival of the Hero of Ferelden is a very large fluffy feather in her hat." It was clear there would be no escape from some sort of party. Amalya cringed.

"Do not tease Mistress Amel, Leliana." They heard from the doorway and looked up to see two women, one darker skinned with beautiful long black hair, the woman who had just spoken, and another woman with a serious expression and short brown hair.

"Josephine, Cassandra, allow me to present Amalya Amel, the Hero of Ferelden and Warden Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens." Leliana said with a flourish.

"Well met." Cassandra said, "Thank you for coming to assist us." Josephine echoed the sentiments.

"I don't know how much help I will be as I explained in the letter, but I am here. And I am no longer Commander of the Grey. I have not been since…" she almost confessed since Kirkwall, but did not want to bring that matter up so she simply finished "in a very long time." The look Cullen gave her was speculative and Amalya had a feeling he had guessed what she left out.

"The Inquisitor is not here at the moment, Warden." Josephine sensing the tension chimed in. "However when she returns we will throw a small feast in your honor."

Amalya sighed "As you please Lady Montilyet."

"In the meantime, we will be pleased to make you and your fellow wardens comfortable within the Keep." A young assistant was sent to start preparations. While the party in Cullen's office made their way to the main keep.

Amalya started to protest this "My wardens and I are perfectly suited to our campsite just outside the walls and…"

"NO!" Cullen said loudly "I mean… after what happened at Haven… you would be safer inside."

Amalya growled at this "I told you Leliana, I told you that we should tell no one of that place but you and that cursed scholar Genitivi… gah! And now look, you dropped a mountain on my find!"

" _Our_ find. Let it go Amalya." Leliana rolled her eyes. "If it was not there they would have attacked us somewhere else."

"Somewhere else was the _point_ , Leliana. _Anywhere_ else that the Sacred Ashes of Andraste had not been kept." Amalya was heard to say when they entered the main hall.

"See, I knew you were someone I wanted to know." Amalya heard a familiar voice call out.

"Varric Tethras!" Amalya embraced the dwarf "No one told me that you would be here!"

Cassandra snorted "And even if he had known you were coming he would have kept that information to himself, Warden."

Amalya looked at Cassandra with a mix of compassion and amusement. "I know how frustrating it is when you cannot find help, Lady Seeker. I may not be much but I offer my assistance now.

"You are more than enough, Warden. I do not mean to seem ungrateful." Cassandra looked almost embarrassed by what she had said.

"You do not seem anything but very desperately trying to hold everything together, Lady Pentaghast. Something I am all too familiar with." Amalya commiserated.

"Please, call me Cassandra, Commander." The warrior smiled. She liked this mage.

"And you must call me Amalya. I have been neither Ferelden's hero nor a commander of anyone for quite some time." The two women clasped hands.


	7. The False Warden

As it turned out, the Inquisitor had been in Val Royeaux dealing with, interestingly enough to Amalya, a man who had claimed the title of Warden, but had never undergone the joining.

Amalya stood quietly in the back as the Inquisitor passed judgment on the offender. Apparently he had been a traitor. He had caused the death of a lot of people for his own selfish purposes.

Something she was all too familiar with. Her vice had been love and loyalty not gold, but in the end the results were the same Betrayal and a lot of death.

In the end it was decided that the false warden, who called himself Blackwall, would be sent to the wardens to complete the joining once Corypheus had been defeated. Inquisitor Trevelyan had looked to where Amalya was standing as if asking for permission before passing this judgment. At Amalya's nod it was made official.

Amalya had not missed Leliana at the railing overhead with a bow notched. Leliana took betrayals of friends very badly. Amalya knew it would be only by a tight thread that Leliana was kept from sinking an arrow into this man's heart.

Marjolaine had seen to her hatred of false friends.

When the man, Blackwall, left the hall, Amalya pushed away from her post and followed him. It was rude perhaps not to stop and speak to the Inquisitor first, but this was now a Warden manner and she was the most senior Warden here. Unless one counted Fiona, and technically Fiona was no longer a Warden.

She followed Blackwall all the way to a tavern where they took up seats at a long table. She noticed a Qunari watching her. She would definitely have to get news from him soon.

"Commander." He said flatly without turning around.

"I am not your Commander, Blackwall." Amalya replied.

"Ah, of course… I never underwent the joining." His voice was strained.

"No, I mean, rightfully… I am not anyone's Commander. That would now fall to Nathaniel Howe, if he accepts. He has been doing the work anyway, and Weisshaupt is in no position to tell me who to promote." In fact Weisshaupt had been a mess when she had left it, full of in fighting and intrigue, but that was hardly something she was prepared to discuss in the open with a recuruit. "He would be your Commander, as a recruit."

"I… see. Are you certain you still want me after everything?" He pulled out a bottle and poured two glasses of amber liquid, sliding one to her.

"You did the work of a Warden without benefit of the Joining. You took up the mantle of a man who died fulfilling his duty. Why wouldn't we want you?" she drank back the whiskey in one deep swallow.

He sighed "Not many would cast me in such an flattering light. I betrayed my men and caused the death of innocents."

"You aren't the first to do that and you won't be the last. I will make you a deal, I will tell you my story, if you tell me yours." She motioned to the serving girl to bring more alcohol. She was going to need a lot for this.

"Mind if we join you?" She looked up to see Varric, the Qunari and an elven mage.

"It is a long story, but I have no objections." She felt they needed to get a measure of her as well as understand what drove Blackwall.

Blackwall just shrugged.

Amalya started talking. She started with the night of her Harrowing all the way through to this very night. How she had betrayed Jowan and Lilly to Irving.

Their own betrayal at the hands of Teryn Logain.

How they had left Lothering knowing it would be destroyed by darkspawn, but rescued Sten, now the Arishok on their way out.

The Circle and the sloth demon. She never mentioned Cullen by name in her tale.

The horrors of Amaranthine. Her friendship with Justice.

Kirkwall and her failure there. Varric called for more drinks at this part of her story.

How she had slain Anders more for what he had done to Justice than any other offense. She noticed the elven mage look at her closely as she related this.

How she had returned to the deep roads and Orzammar, and of her intent to die there or find a cure for the Calling.

Then her return to the surface when Leliana called.

It took hours. By the time she was done talking the entire tavern had surrounded her. She had never even noticed.

"Is all of that true?" A young elven woman with a Ferelden accent asked.

"Every word of it." Leliana spoke up. Amalya had not even noticed her enter. "I was there for most of it personally." Leliana laid her hand on Amalya's shoulder and Amalya laid her cheek on her friend's hand.

"My… my story is not as long, nor as glorious I assure you." Blackwall began and then filled them in on how he had been approached to take out an enemy of the Duke, but had never told his men of the true mission, nor that there would be women and children present.

How he thought he was doing it for Orlais, but in the end, it had become about the gold.

How the real Warden Blackwall had found him, but been slain when they needed to get darkspawn blood for the joining. Amalya nodded at that, well she remembered her first mission. And how they had lost both Javeth and Sir Jory.

The audience had thinned out by the time he was finished, but Blackwall's traveling companions remained. And they looked a little more forgiving when he had finished.

Good, Amalya thought. It would be lovely to leave healed wounds instead of destruction behind me for a change.

Only those closest to both of them noticed how Cullen had entered and never taken his eyes from the Warden. While she had never said, it was clear to those who knew them best who the templar in her story was. And for those who were paying attention why she had really come to Skyhold.

Of course Leliana and Oghren had always known, and both wanted to shake the pair. There were no Circles now. There was no reason for either one to continue denying their love for one another.

When Blackwall finally stood to leave, Amalya finally noticed Cullen in the corner. She looked down, blushing at his intense gaze.

Cullen pushed himself away from the wall and started to make his way towards her but was interrupted by one of her many admirers.

"umm… Warden? My name is Sera and I… I wanted to thank you." Cullen had never seen the little mischief maker looking so serious.

"Thank me? Whatever for Sera?" Amalya smiled kindly down at the young elf.

"I was in Ferelden when the Archdemon came.." Cullen had not known that, the young woman had clearly been through a lot.

"I am so sorry we could not get you out in time…" Amalya sounded so sad.

"No.. wait, this is going sideways!" Sera interrupted her apology "There we were, no where to go and hide, but you and your army arrived and saved us. And before that I had just been playing with painted boxes and…"

"Painted boxes…?" Amalya started laughing "Red Jenny! I always wondered who was behind that little slot in the door!"

"Wait… That was you?" Sera also started laughing. "I always wondered who brought my box back to me!"

"Well now we know." Amalya shook the young woman's hand.

"It was my pleasure to save you then, Sera. I am glad you came away from there safe and sound." Amalya stood up.

"Well, safe anyway, Warden. I am not sure about how "sound" I am." Sera looked at her shoes.

"Don't dwell on it. You are alive and here. Sometimes that is all we can ask of life." Sera nodded at her hero.

As Amalya was starting to leave Sera called out to her "Hey, thanks for helping Blackwall. He may not be a real Warden, but his is the realest Warden I ever met. Besides you, of course!"

Amalya smiled and nodded at the young woman.

The next day she was summoned to Lady Montiliyet to discuss what she would be wearing to the party, and did she prefer tarts or petit fours and should they serve venison or wild boar.

By the time they were finished Amalya wished that she could have fought another Archdemon instead!

Afterwards she went to find Morrigan. One might be tempted to think the witch would seek her out, after all, they were practically sisters, but that was not Morrigan's style.

She found both her and Kieran in the gardens.

"Auntee Amalya!" Kieran cried and ran to her. "Did you see the Inquisitor? Did you see the fade portal in her hand did you…"

"That is enough, little man, allow your Aunt to breath." Morrigan interrupted Kieran's enthusiasm.

"Yes Mother." Kieran dutifully replied, but continued to grin at Amalya.

"Hmm… what could be your true intentions in way laying me first?" Amalya teased the young boy. "Could it be all of the books you think I brought you?"

Kieran's grin grew wider "May I Mother?"

"Oh, very well, as you wish. You spoil him too much Warden." Morrigan pretended to be annoyed with them both, as she always did. Amalya had spoiled Kieran shamelessly since she had first laid eyes on him at the Orlesian Court.

"It is my prerogative as his favorite Auntee! Oghren and Nathaneal have your books Kieran." They both laughed as he ran off.


End file.
